Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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