i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my shit smells like andre
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
