There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
