This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
