tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
