Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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