Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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