I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize