I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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