I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
