I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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