I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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