I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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