forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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