I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
