He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
