barbara walters just said penis...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
