1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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