I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
