hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
