My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize