I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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