like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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