Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
