btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
