The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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