I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
