don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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