she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
