I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
