One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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