So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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