If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
