she smelled like a LAN party
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You pole danced in your parka.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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