can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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