Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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