Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
