Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
