Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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