took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
