The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
