i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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