Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
