So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
