im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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