she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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