If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
