Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
