Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Girls should come with a carfax report
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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