he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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