your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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