There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
