3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize