Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
