I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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