Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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