Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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