Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
