I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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