Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
