she was so not down for the gang bang
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
