I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
