I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need water and some morals
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
