So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
