I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
