I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
