i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
