Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
