a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
