He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
did i just pee glitter
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
