i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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