I just saw a hot homeless man
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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