after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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