I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
