I'm jealous of your bromance
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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