Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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